If it be now, 'tis not to come: if it be not to come, it will be now: if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all.

May I say this to you? I think we may be watching a prelude to our nation's ultimate fate.  Civilization follows the sun.  We have scorched our way to the other end of the continent.  No matter how much we took, no matter how many living things we killed, there was never enough.  The molten ball descending into the Pacific has overtones that make me shudder. 

Flags on the Bayou

James Lee Burke

I have no doubt I am standing on the edge of mortality.  But for some reason I do not fear it.  Perhaps the greatest loss in my life is not what I did but what I did not do.  I hear a rumble of thunder in the distance, and I wonder if a great army has been sent to drive me from the Earth.  I know better.  War is a confession of failure, and its perpetrators are the merchants of death, not because they are killers but because they never had the courage to lead a decent life.  

Flags on the Bayou

James Lee Burke

Try to Remember

Among my fondest memories of those years are our suppers together where she would tell me about the books she had read.  I cannot quite remember how it first happened, but gradually we fell into somewhat of a ritual.  After finishing a novel she liked she would retell it to me over dinner.  Her memory was prodigious, and she had the sagacity of Miss Marble.  No detail was small enough to escape her attention.  The way she parsed every scrap of information would have put the most meticulous detective imaginative to shame. From the first course to the dessert she would narrate a whole book back to me, footnoted with conjectures and predictions.  I must say I learned to enjoy those little mysteries.  But only in her passionate rendition. It was so lovely to look at her, lit up, lost in her storytelling.  She was so captivated by the plot and I was so captivated by her that the food on our plates would go cold.  How we would laugh when we noticed!  She always asked me to guess who the killer was, and it was never the butler or the secretary I offered up as prime suspects. This made us laugh even harder, while I pretended to reprimand her for having made our food cold. 

Bonds, A Novel, by Harold Vanner

Trust

Herman Diaz

“𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, I’d like my family to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. I want them to remember these things.

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you.

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, and I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, and can no longer use utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet, and see if I can still feed myself.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, and I am sad or anxious, hold my hand and listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, ask me to tell you a story from my past.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, treat me the way that you would want to be treated.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I don’t eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original places.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, don’t exclude me from parties and family gatherings.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.

 

𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒶, remember that I am still the person you know and love.”

"Thinking about his wife, Ludding can say to Addington, “I have not given her all of myself. But I have given all that I could. I can say that before the universe.” That remaining part of himself he has given to no one." 

The Victorian Reformers Who Defended Same-Sex Desire

Nikhil Krishna

The New Yorker, January 23, 2023